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-These were not made to offend anybody in anyway. Please do not feel offended as not all of these are entirely true.
1. You go to drop off one person to the airport, but you take 50 extra people with you
2. Your entire family runs the marathon when they see a dog (calmly walking on the other side of the road)
3. Your cousin is said to have "gone abroad to get married", but you know he's doing time in prison
4. You were taught never to talk to strangers at primary school, yet your parents force you to call a complete stranger "Auntie"
5. "Paracetamol" is your cure to every illness
6. Your remote control is still in its plastic packet
7. You use your religion to get yourself out of almost anything e.g. P.E,class discussions, debates, etc.
8. You studied A' Level Maths but still think it's possible to fit 100 people into 1 car
9. You wear sunglasses in hail, sleet and snow
10. You accuse the shopkeeper of being racist when he kindly asks you to pay for your packet of crisps
11. Your mobile phone "just happens to ring" when you see a member of the opposite sex (especially if they happen to be asian!)
12. You secretly watch "ZEE T.V." but pretend you've never heard of it
13. "My mate wants to check ya!" is secretly your chat-up line
14. You think you're part of the MAFIA, yet you study Law
15. You seem to think that this list DOES NOT apply to you
16. You become obsessed with a member of the opposite sex, ring their house everyday, follow them homeand get rejected (you then ask out their best mate)
17. You think it's a sin if you admit you've revised before an exam
18. You wonder why the person you fancy doesn't come over when you and your mates scream, "Yo! Come over `ere!"
19. At the age of 30, you still think you can get away with paying child fare on the bus
20. You have a telephone at home but nobody is (ever) allowed to use it
21. Your wear DKNY yet your mum buys material from Longsight Market
22. You've failed your driving test 6 times, but you've been driving for the past 3 years
23. In the primary school nativity plays you were always the donkey in the background (and if you were extra lucky, you were given the part of the villager)
24. You're related to your husband/wife even before you've married them
25. You're the last person to see your wedding card and the person you're getting married to
26. Even your underwear is designer
27. You dance at a complete stranger's wedding (and claim you are a distant relative)
28. You drive your car around the same spot for 10 years playing music that was out in '95
29. You achieve A*'s in every subject and your parents tell you to STUDY HARDER
30. You are offended by this list and you're going to make a
complaint about it
31. There is a tub of "PRIDE GHEE" and a sack of "TILDA BASTMATI" in your hallway
32. You can't go to certain places because your Uncle works there or your auntie might see you
33. You somehow think you are a member of the F.B.I and therefore have to have code-name for everything e.g. T.P.
34. You seem to think that an ordinary car is a racing car and ordinary roads are racing tracks, thus explaining why you speed around thinking you're Damon Hill
35. You were forced to watch Indian films during your childhood, and then your parents wonder why you lack in intelligence
36. You are over-dressed for every occasion and seem to take it as a joke when someone calls you "Garry Glitter"
37. You hardly ever take prescribed medicines because your parents have their own herbal cures at home
38. Unknown "relatives" start ringing your house on the day that your exam results are coming out
39. You are unable to open your front door because of the pile of shoes blocking the way
40. Your Auntie has permed, dyed, damaged hair
41. Your parents have a PANIC ATTACK when something dirty comes on t.v.
42. You have 3 hobbies: CHILL, CHILL and CHILL
43. You have to offer guests tea even before they've stepped into your house
44. You address every other Asian person on the planet as "your cousin"
45. You think you have the ability to take on the entire police force
46. You dress identical to your friends and your favourite colour is black
47. Girls: Your brother thinks he's your dad
48. You know how an Indian film will end even before it's started (but you still watch it)
49. You go to a wedding with an empty car, but on the way back you end up giving the entire population of the wedding a lift home (and you haven't seen half of these people in your life)
50. At school, your parents were never aware of Parents' Evening (and if they did attend Parents' Evening and you got a bad report, you told them that the teachers were all racist)
51. You arrive late at every party
52. Your phone line has been cut off at home, yet you own more than one mobile phone
53. In high school, you teacher kept asking you if you were "forced to do things"
54. In college, you either witnessed or were involved in a fight
55. In University, you went to a Bhangra gig that ended with a big fight involving weird men wearing glittery pants and tacky golden earrings
56. Your dad wears big, tinted-coloured sunglasses from the 60s (don't even get us started on the yellow shirts)
57. Your parents find no criticisms in an Indian film where some guy jumps off a cliff and jumps back up again, people burst into song when their relatives are dying, evil politicians rule the world, and even the police don't give a crap (and then they wonder why you prefer to watch Eastenders)
58. At parties, you wear more glitter and sparkly bits than a Christmas tree
59. You get over-excited when you see another Asian person on t.v.
60. You have attended every MELA ever organised
61. You accuse your cousin of fancying you
62. You lie to your parents about where you've been
63. You know the name of every Asian person in College/University, and they know your namebut you never let on
64. You know the lyrics to every Indian song ever written, but you deny it
65. You come home to the sounds of Asian Sound Radio
66. Your parents force you to listen to old Indian/Ghazal songs
67. Your auntie always wants you to have a secret relationship with her son/daughter
68. You are constantly being compared to every other Asian kid on the Planet
69. You pronounce English words in a typical accent when speaking to your parents e.g. toilet: "Toylat"
70. You never go to the library "to work"
71. Your phone number is x-directory
72. A member of the opposite sex simply says "hello" and you accuse them of stalking you
73. You receive phone numbers from complete strangers (either that or you're handing your number out to complete strangers)
74. You own a gold chain with your name engraved on it
75. Guys: you lock your sister up and then go out chilling yourself
76. You have cousins that you've never even heard of
77. At Bollywood superstar concerts you're more interested in the people in the audience than the actual stars performing the show
78. You wonder why people stare when you hire out a grand limousine for a wedding in a run down community centre located in the middle of nowhere
79. You have received a prank phone call at least once in your life
80. When celebrating a religious festival, you suddenly feel the need to scream and shout, dance on top on restaurants, cars and even your friend's shoulders
81. You hire a convertible in mid-December
82. You secretly meet your boyfriend/girlfriend in the most obvious places (e.g. your front garden) and expect NOT to get caught by your parents
83. "GET YOUR BACK-UP DOWN" and "KICK OFF!" is your solution to every problem
84. You find a photo of a man with bushy hair, white shoes and sunglasses you ask who he is and find out its your uncle
85. The bus never stops for you
86. You somehow think you were involved in Tu Pac’s death
87. Your car is better than your house
88. Universities let you in for Medicine just by looking at you
89. At home you have a butcher’s knife which is bigger than your head
90. Wilmslow Road is like a second home to you
91. Your mum asks you what you want to be when you’re 6 six years old and you say, "a Bollywood Superstar" ten years later you’re still saying the same thing
92. You think you’re life is just ONE BIG INDIAN FILM
93. A member of your family claims that they once used to live in the Taj Mahal
94. Your wedding takes place in either a community centre or a crappy restaurant on Wilmslow Road
95. You’re related to your doctor
96. At weddings the cameraman only ever cameras you when you’re eating
97. In primary school, your parents forced you to wear a glittery jumper with cats on it
